A Legacy of Love

When I first arrived in the village Doña Angelica was an active grandmother, surrounded by her children and grandchildren.  I used to visit her to dress her leg ulcers.  She enjoyed attending Bible studies in a neighbour´s home, and was always hard at work, and ready to receive visitors with a hot, black, sweet coffee. 

As the years went by, I began encountering her wandering along the road in a bright red jumper.  She no longer recognised me, her wandering was without purpose, and her lack of road sense dangerous.  Alzheimer´s disease was claiming her mind, leaving her confused and vulnerable. 

Her son and his family moved in with her to care for her.  She had no pension, no health insurance.  She was totally dependent on her children for her well-being.  Here it is expected that parents care for their children when they are young, work with them in the fields or providing child-care when they are older and later depend on their children to care for them when they can no longer work. 

When I visited Doña Angelica this week, her son and his wife were in her wooden board house, tending to her ulcers and feeding her soup.  The house was totally bare except for a bed, and a chair.  Doña Angelica was sitting on the plastic chair, her feet resting on a piece of old mattress.  She was painfully thin, and totally unaware of what was going on around her.  When she spoke, all that came out of her mouth was gobbledygook. 

“My siblings and I take it in turns to care for her now,” her son told me.  “It is my sister´s turn really at the moment, but she had to go to Quito to help her daughter, so we are doing it.” 

“It´s hard caring for someone who needs everything done for them, isn´t it?”  I commented. 

“Yes, but what kind of son would fail to care for his mother?” the son replied.  “God tests us through these times to see what kind of heart we have.  We cannot turn our backs on her.”

Doña Angelica is leaving this world soon, and will leave nothing material behind.  Yet she is leaving a legacy behind her.  She has taught her children what it means to love; to love sacrificially and wholeheartedly.  She has put this lesson into practice and is now receiving loving service in return.

I think the Good Lord is waiting to receive her with a “well done” and a hot, sweet, black coffee by the pearly gates. 

Giving GIrls A Choice

I had an interesting conversation with a young woman, Isabel, the other day.  She is expecting a baby and is wanting to marry her boyfriend/father of her child.  Her mother and her sisters do not want her to marry.  They want her to stay at home, they will help her raise the child, and would just let the father visit sometimes.  Isabel´s own father was violent, and abandoned the family when the children were young.  Her mother does not think marriage is a good idea.  Isabel, on the other hand, having grown up without a father does not want the same for her little one. 

As I think of the 30 girls who attend our club in the village, perhaps half of them are growing up with their father present.  Some of those who are not do not even know who their father is.  Others have more than one half-sibling either living with them or with another parent. 

Many of the children who have sponsors need one because of absent parents. 5 teenage girls have dropped out of the sponsorship programme (and school) because of pregnancy in the past couple of years.  One was only 13 years old.  Another now has two children by different fathers, and her mother does most of the child care. 

While this may not be much different to other parts of the world, the things that strike me are first that it is considered normal for men to sow their wild oats (all their lives), and the women basically put up with it, the infections and babies that result.  The women still have very little power, as they lack education hence earning power.  Secondly, no one is scandalised by underage pregnancies or reports the men who are over 18 who get 13 and 14 year olds pregnant.  Thirdly, fragmented, mixed, broken homes are considered normal.  The family unit of father, mother and children is often no longer aspired to. 

The government has tightened up on enforcing the laws regarding fathers paying maintenance for their children.  Women are beginning to see that they can successfully claim money to raise their children.  Many, however, still do not report the absent fathers. There is still a fear of causing a fuss and the possible repercussions from other family members.

I believe the girls in our community need to know that they have a choice.  They can choose to study and better themselves before they have children. They can choose to be able to earn a living wage and have a means of supporting themselves, before they have dependents.  They don´t have to be part of a man´s never-ending infidelity.  They can expect more.  That is why I am teaching them what the Bible says about themselves, their place in society and family.  They need to know how much God loves them, to value themselves and to aspire to God´s standards. They need to know how to stand up for themselves and what they believe. 

I pray that as we explore these themes together some will be inspired to believe in their Heavenly Father, to believe in themselves, and to live according to His loving guidance.    

What does the future hold for these girls?